It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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