I will die if light touches me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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