my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
