You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
