Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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