can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She told me I should be a condom model.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
