he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
