Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
