Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize