I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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