guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude i'm inner monologue high
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
