I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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