@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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