That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
