it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
