Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
