started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
