You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
