I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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