Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
