so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
