ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
