He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
