look no pants
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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