Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
