Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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