Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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