I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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