ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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