Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
