I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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