I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
