Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
