i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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