FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
