Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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