just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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