she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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