is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
