I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
