hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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