just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
