you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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