shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
