This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
