I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
