Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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