naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
