from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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