I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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