You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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