hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
