YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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