I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
