i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
