His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
