So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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