I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
