Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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