Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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