Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
