The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
