i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
