three words: i give head
three words: not that well
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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