i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
