2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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