I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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