her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
