How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
