you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
