he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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