her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
