Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
