What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
