Jerry, you need to find god
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
