he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
