thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
