i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
